ON STANDBY…

We all wound up sick to death of the French election, alter seeing the blessed pair everywhere on every TV, radio, newspaper and conversation. Is France really that important? They are the best example of how NOT to do things, the embodiment of a brake to development. Well, now there is the Belgian election. Believe me, it seems that the French was more important in Belgium. I did not hear a thing until today. And they beat the French by zillions of fun. They say Belgium is “the country of the bizarre”. It is: 3 languages, impressive contrast between Wallonia and Flanders, the salad bowl, in parts dirty, overpolluted and noisy and in parts quiet, nice and Flemish of Brussels, and all the expatriates, immigrants and opportunists. Now the elections are also strange: NEE campaign. That´s what happens when voting is not a right but an obligation.

But, wait a second and think. Is it strange or plainly obvious. Three months ago I was chatting with my sister about founding a “Beer & Blowjob” political party. It does not take a marketing genius (well, for me these two words are a misnomer) to think that.

Today I fly to Spain again, Blitz journey, return tomorrow. Reason: yet another concours of the same organisation. I already spoke about the one I did the last months; as foreseen, I passed all the exams (they were not difficult), but the fact of it being a concours-competition means I could not beat the interimaires who had some vital extra points (well I beat some of them, what does not tell anything nice of the people that are inside; it is rather unsettling that a jerk like me scored higher than people who knew what was coming…). So I am on a list somewhere. By and large, unless one scores 100% in all exams, it is impossible; even if one does, then there is an interview so that they can actually take in whomever they wish. Such is life, and I already knew the dice were loaded. However, since it seems I never learn, I applied for another competition of these guys. Somebody confirmed me that the posts are already given beforehand, but I feel I´ve got to try… Nevertheless, I must study a bit. Otherwise all the flying and the efforts will be pointless. O well, I am not even sure if I want it, when one is surrounded by idiots (and they abound in the Spanish Administration), one can easily become an idiot (well, in my case even more easily, I am already halfway there), and that is spooky, is it!

Thursday and Friday I´ve got to go to Maastricht to try and find a flat, I will go and come back the same day. Weekend in Belgium, Brussels or Bruges, just do not know yet. If I am lucky enough as to find a flat this week, I might have to focus on the moving out. Hopefully. Otherwise (the most likely outcome) I will become a real classic of Brussels - Maastricht commuting. On Monday I begin to work in Maastricht (more on this another day).

There is also the contract agent Commission concours, and although I haven´t got the foggiest idea as to how to prepare it, I Will have to study, something, anything. I am totally pessimistic here, the competence is enormous and my chances nonexistent, but I´ve got to try.

And the football translations! We have managed to secure two further numbers. It is really knackering and time-consuming, but is money, the articles are interesting, and I want to do it. Yet, truth be told, it leaves me utterly worn out.

To top it all off, the Stones are on the road again, which will mean another flight to Spain because, more expensive as it is, I want to go to the gig in San Sebastián, with friends, and I´ve already got the ticket.

Summing up, I foresee al least three Blitz flights to Spain (only one will be for pleasure) and countless trains Maastricht-Brussels-Bruges. I´ve got to move again (I´ll finish “La ville des comics”, personal goal, 3rd round here), new city in a different country, alongside its accompanying logistics: flat, banks, new people, finding my bearings and a load of related shite. I must manage with multiemployment, that is, a new job plus my freelance racket as translator. Then throw in exams for two different competitions. It might be honest to say that I am a bit scared with the mountain of things that is coming onto me. And tired of it. I do not feel like doing all the moving, not one bit. It is the way things have come. But, is it all worth it, all the efforts? In theory, things have more or less worked out nicely, and I still think as I did some months ago. Do I really? Is this progress? Or just senseless forward motion? It is not normal, that is for sure; I am an outcast about to have his 4th change of city and country within less than three years, alongside a 4th temporal job contract. One part of me really wants to do it, yet another, tinier part is asking for a bit of stability.

Okay, do not mind me, I´ve got some flair for exaggeration, always conjure up the Worst Case Scenario and besides, there is no way to know how things will develop until I get there. And the Stones are on the road again!

I am changing town & country within days, unless something unforseen may appear. But my role model will accompany me and keep my feet warm wherever I go. It is a pleasure to have him on my new shocks (a sister´s present, bought at a fleamarket in Burgos).

The most talented man of the XXI Century beyond any shadow of doubt. Hail Homer! 

Yesterday´s flight between Brussels and Madrid was my 8th of this year. The airport overdose is beginning to loose my screws. Scene at the Brussels Airlines check-in desk:

• BAH (Brussels Airlines Hostess): "Good morning Sir."
• TM (Tired Me): "Hi."
• BAH: "Any Luggage?"
• TM: "Just this bag, I´d rather carry it onboard."
• BAH (suspiciosly eyeing my bag and seeing it is not bulky): "Is it heavy?"
• TM (worn out of the ritual): "Well, there is a laptop inside, and I´ve got the whole discography of Black Sabbath stored somewhere within it… So I´d say yes, I´d certainly file that under downright heavy, brinking on obesity."
• BAH (looking around in case she might need help): "Sorry?"
• TM (sighing): "No, it is almost weightless."
• BAH (relieved): "Boarding at 11.35 on gate X43. Have a nice flight."
• TM (smiling wrily): "Sure."

Hard to believe, the original cover of The Stones´ "Sticky Fingers" - the one with the zip, see "Times change" - was banned in Spain. It was 1971 and my guess is the censors deemed it too "sexually explicit". So the album was released with a different cover that, in my opinion, was far more shocking and gorey than the original, but hey! It was Franco´s Spain, and when it came to censorship and control, it seems political violence & killings were peanuts in comparison with the devastation a picture showing a crotch (in jeans) could unleash on public morale.

Years ago I went with a friend to an LP fair, and we bumped on the original Spanish cover. It cost 3.000 pesetas (18€), a fortune for any teenager back then. Knowing it was out of his grasp, my friend spent some minutes lovingly caressing and beholding the LP in awe. I will never forget the sad look on his face. Displaying it here is but a small consolation, but it goes for you mate.

I am not keen on football. Anybody knows that. Well then, right now I am translating a football magazine, having my flatmate answer my technical questions - I just learned what a sweeper system is, though I´ll be damned if I know how to translate it - and we´ve got the Champions League on the telly.

More unsettling still, I find the articles pretty interesting. They´re no match reviews or anything of the kind, they are rather about tactics, history, UEFA projects, and so on. It is a good read, yet a bloody difficult one to translate. My partner in this enterprise helps me with the technical terms. I must thank him for the opportunity to improve my liquidity in these most dismal of times as I widen my horizons of knowledge. Only yesterday I learnt that the Beretta pistol is manufactured in Brescia, or that India’s greatest contribution to football history was its withdrawal from the 1950 World Cup because players weren’t allowed to play in bare feet (everything is culture).

For one that thinks the sole virtue of football is a talent to kill of boredom, the whole thing is rather ironic.

To counter my rather sensitive post on Knut, something far less cute. Three R ´n´ R albums with a crotch on the cover (O, the LP times, when the cover was as magical as the music itself… Something died when Internet took over). Same idea, different times and styles.

The Rolling Stones´ “Sticky Fingers” (1971) is beyond doubt one of the best R ´n´ R albums ever. The idea of the cover came when Andy Warhol told Mick Jagger that having a real zipper on a cover would be amusing. A year later, Jagger proposed the idea for “Sticky Fingers”. The packaging proved the Stones had not lost their gift for outrageousness.

A decade later, Mötley Crüe released "Too Fast For Love", one of the most influential albums of its genre, recorded in one week, with a sound as raw as sandpaper. The cover, a tribute of “Sticky Fingers”, is also a natural thing for the “Kings of cock Rock”. The leathered crotch of Vince Neil is a display of intentions from the biggest hoodlums of rock and roll.

WASP brinked on the absurd with “Animal” in 1984. Obsessed with gore, “The Chainsaw Massacre”, Alice Cooper, the original sleeve depicts a codpiece and a circular saw. Deemed too controversial, Capitol Records risked being banned from major retail chains, backed out and the single was shelved until the band stroke a deal with the independent label Music For Nations.

Berliners are far kinder than the Bavarian Authorities when it comes to bears. They have rallied to defend Knut, although an animal rights campaigner said the bear shouldn´t have been kept alive and should be put to sleep. They´ve got their reasons (alongside loads of sangfroid), yet I deem their logic a tad hypocritical and warped. Knut has a right to live. Besides, he is SO CUTE (the dole makes me soft…), who would dare kill him? Third, under a more commercial point of view, Knut is a campaign against global warming in itself, and a bloody effective one at that, for more than one would think of the dainty polar bear before wasting energy. Last, Germany should have learnt the lesson; when they killed Bruno, Germany lost the World Cup Semifinal and the scene of the crime, Rotwand, suffered a tourist boycott. Bruno was young and strong. Knut is just a baby, so the punishment would be terrible terrible…